finite and infinite games review

 “The joyfulness of infinite play, its laughter, lies in learning to start something we cannot finish.”

This is great news, because I’m terrible at finishing things.

But… I did finish this book (Finite and Infinite Games by James R. Carse) and really liked it, so let’s see if I can finish a blog about it.

This book is a pretty short philosophical piece on the types of games we find ourselves playing in life. Finite games are a bit more familiar. They happen in a specific time and place, they have an end, they have clear winners and losers. This includes euchre, but it also includes “real life” games like getting a job or finishing fifth grade. You may think calling those games is a bit of stretch, but Carse specifically says that the infinite ones are the fun ones, so. The important point is that there are players and rules and the goal is to finish with a winner.

With infinite games, the goal is to never finish. You have players and rules, but since the point is to continue, players can change the rules to allow the game to keep going. No one’s trying to win, it’s just one big fun collaboration. One of my favorite examples of an infinite game is language - we keep inventing new words, or even new languages (like pidgins) so we can keep communicating with each other. 

Pretty much the only thing finite and infinite games have in common is that playing is voluntary. But “voluntary” looks pretty different between the finite and infinite. The feeling that you must act in a certain way is a finite and personal problem, not fact. 

The roles we play drive a lot of this feeling. Roles are also voluntarily taken, but once we take them we typically forget this step in the process and start doing what Carse calls “veiling.” You, at your core, are not actually a student, a mother, a son, etc. You are you. But we take on these identities somewhat mindlessly and then assume all these responsibilities we associate with the roles and then start acting like we have no choice in the matter. The veil comes down.

The paragon of an infinite player is someone who keeps their identity small. You are you. And at times you step into games where you play at being a mother or a police officer or a person who believes ___, but you recognize you are choosing to take on these roles, and often you choose which of the associated responsibilities will actually bind your actions. When you’re playing an infinite game, you can see it’s all voluntary. And this is what frees you to have a good fuckin’ time. As Carse repeats over and over, “if you must play, you cannot play.”

This is one of the big points that resonated with me. Recently, I have been thinking a lot about how to choose which roles to fill and how to mold the role to the person instead of the other way around (see: aspiration, friendship). 

This requires not taking things too seriously. This is quite hard. It means constantly zooming yourself out from whatever finite games you may be in the middle of playing and recognizing them for what they are.

I’ve been chewing on this book for a while, so I’ve already shifted frame (or was shifted before reading this book) on a lot of typical life games like relationships, job, personal growth. But I think I can do better.

Here are a few games I’m currently playing:

• Learning my new city

• The finite version: Walk around enough to have a couple go-to places to hang out, restaurants to eat at, trails to drive to. 

• The infinite version: Keep looking for new spots, realize it’s a big city that I’m never going to completely cover, inside a big state that I also won’t completely cover, so there’s not any reason to ever think I’m done.

• Finishing this blog post

• The finite version: Finally post it.

• The infinite version: Keep revisiting the ideas in the back of my head forever (probably end up linking it to further thoughts), talk about the topic with anyone who is willing to sit through all the upfront explanations.

• Grocery shopping

• The finite version: Make a list and get it done.

• The infinite version: Treat it as a chance to discover something new (I do usually bring home some random treat) or an opportunity to make different choices about what you want to try making. Maybe what you see will give you inspiration for what you’d like to make next week.

• Doing my taxes

• The finite version: Get it done in a weekend

• The infinite version: Opportunity to get a better handle on all my financial stuff, make plans for the future, think about what is possible. (Ok, yeah, this one is the biggest stretch but I actually have been meaning to get all my financial shit in order so I can start thinking about it more and be a better adult and I do plan to continue thinking about this past April 15.)

Reading these back, I know the exercise sounds kind of fake and cheesy, but the crazy part is that they all also sound like much more fun. (If you don’t believe me, actually try it and see if you feel the shift).

If you really can’t buy into that, you can at least believe it for the big stuff, right? 

Most important example: relationships. 

Typically you form a relationship in a particular context, you have a certain vibe, and you get a bit locked in on that because it’s working. After enough time passes, maybe the vibe feels less true to one or both of you, but you feel somewhat trapped in what-this-relationship-is. Those aren’t real rules. Especially if it’s coming to the point where you’re weighing the relationship-as-it-is vs. nothing, it is perhaps time to change the rules. 

You can’t see the rule change as “losing.” You have to step back from both of you as role-players and try to continue as two people instead. Changing the rules may mean you are no longer really in a relationship with that person. Changing the rules may mean you spend less time together or only in a particular way. Changing the rules may mean you work extremely hard to change the way you act with each other so it feels less restrictive.

I’m not sure what the answer is here if the other person isn’t amenable to changing the rules.

This book resonated with a few other things I’ve been thinking about recently:

What to take seriously.

Take things like seeking rule changes and sharing lifelong projects very seriously. Do not take things like your titles and roles too seriously.

I could be a lighter person in general, enjoy things more, use my time toward the good stuff. One of the hard parts about taking things seriously is the things you should be taking seriously (ex. relationships) are not fun if you’re just serious about them all the time. It has to be something like: seriously committing to playing with that person, seriously committing to considering the rules you’re playing under, seriously committing to change the rules if needed and then just lettin’ loose.

Working horizonally.

The point is not to reach some particular spot, it’s to open up more horizon for yourself and others. 

Art and other projects are most valuable for how they work horizonally, inspiring others to create. Conversation is most valuable when you are working together and getting ideas from others (rather than going on about your shit).

I am not writing to produce these written things, I’m mostly writing to figure out my thoughts and the goal is to figure them out enough to talk to other people (this means either figuring out what I think or coming up with ideas that are interesting enough to probe other people about). I don’t share my writing much because I’m struggling with taking myself too seriously on that front, but I have been bringing up ideas that I write about with other people and that has been good and I should do it more because I like hearing what other people have to say.

I am really grateful for people before me who are writing for the hell of it, without any particular goal other than to think out loud. And it has opened my horizons to try writing more, regardless of the actual impact or any sort of serious finite result.

Surprise and strength

The role of surprise varies between finite and infinite games. In finite games it’s something to be avoided, the best players completely avert surprise because they are “in control.” In infinite games surprise is something to be expected, strength is an openness to possibility and willingness to meet it.

To end, a couple more quotes I wrote down:

“One cannot be human by oneself.”

“Vitality cannot be given, only found.”

[And in response: “cute but wrong” - My Supreme No-Nonsense Editor]