worth pursuing

My Supreme No-Nonsense Editor (who also happens to offer critiques for non-writing aspects of my life in their spare time) has repeatedly pointed out that I am not especially purposeful or careful with my time.

Lately, I’m on this idea of what is worth pursuing. Importantly, this is an active thing - not passively absorbing information or being entertained, but pursuing something in particular that you must choose. I’ve been happiest about my choices to take personal relationships more seriously, pursue good conversations, understand others more deeply, and consider the types of influences I want on my life. I’m not entirely unfocused about the things I pursue intellectually, but I definitely cast a wide net and there’s variable quality that comes with that. 

Reading fills the majority of my free time, followed by time spent on friends - in person or on the phone or over email. The rest is mostly “I have this time block, I don’t feel like doing the reading thing or the friend thing, what sounds good to me?”

I just got back from two weeks of traveling and ignoring the majority of things I usually keep up with: reading books and articles, the too many newsletters I’m subscribed to, ongoing email conversations, time-sensitive chores, preparing for a cross-country move, etc. Typically when I get back from a trip it takes me about a week to get caught up again - I skim really aggressively so I can spend the most time on things that actually deserve a response. But then you inevitably run into the question… how much of this do I really need to read ever? Do I have some purpose in mind?

I also really set myself up for rabbit holes. Rabbit holes are awesome when they’re on topics you don’t regret, but... 

A lot of newsletters I subscribe to are link-rich, and not very overlapping. I should probably not be spending the same amount of time reading about Hermeto Pascoal playing water bottles in the Amazon and the pullout from Afghanistan, but here we are (truly, it was not equal, but I’m still not proud of the time ratio). 

So - I read a lot of things and it takes up a lot of my time. Many of these things I do consider worth pursuing. But on the sliding scale of pursuit, reading is often much more passive than creative activities like writing, which deserve more of my energy. On the margin, I think other people should read more. On the margin, I could probably read a bit less (and focus more on quality). 

And then what? 

I haven’t put in the effort to confirm if this is a coherent value system, but I have this strong intuition that the things most worth pursuing are activities unique to humans, augmented by whatever specific forms of those activities match your preferences and abilities. Here are the big ones and how I approach them (or aspire to approach them):

• Learning & understanding

• Reading a ton, listening to podcasts

• Taking a lot of notes - and think more about the best ways to use these

• Learning and arguing with others - making this a major part of my dearest relationships

• Picking a job where learning is a big part of the role

• Consciously interacting with others - loving, befriending, sharing space, defending, all in an intentional way

• Seeing friends on a weekly basis

• Long conversations - you have to spend a lot of time with people to get to the good stuff, ask good questions, pick which ideas you share and discuss with different people 

• Flying to see people and having them in my home

• Picking a job with concrete impacts on others

• Thinking & creating

• Writing out ideas

• Creating art & music (mostly aspirational at this point)

• Picking a job where creativity is a big part of the role

• Reflecting on your own progress

• Setting real goals and scheduling regular weekly reflection on them

• Daily notes on memorable events

• Reading through old writing (aspirational)

• Taking an interest in things not necessary for survival

• Adventuring outside

• Enjoying art & music

• Cooking with my Supreme No-Nonsense Head Chef

I spend a lot of time doing the weak or more passive version of these activities, when I want to be doing the active version. 

A good example - sometimes when I am waiting for code to run at work, I scroll through Twitter. I learn things, often find a good article or thought or two, but if I’m being honest a lot of it is passive entertainment. Nothing against entertainment - life would be dull without it. And there’s a lot of good stuff on there that ends up affecting my thinking. The real problem is the passivity and that I could intentionally choose other activities, but default to Twitter instead. 

Here are some other good alternatives:

• Read articles that I have stacked up, from my own perusing and what others send

• Think about things I want to talk about with others and write those ideas down

• Go spend a couple minutes talking to my Supreme No-Nonsense Roommate about their day

• Look up some fun new recipes

• Brainstorm things I’d like to think through and write about

I am worried about pounding the joy out of things by making this checklist. I don’t want any of those to feel like chores. Putting some friction in the way of tasks I want to avoid and keeping the things I do want to do more front of mind should help it happen more organically. 

Some ideas:

• Put a note somewhere visible or on my phone to remind me of some things I could be doing.

• Rearrange where I see things in my phone so notes/docs are further to the front than Twitter.

• Leave my phone further away, so I have to get up and feel the effort of going to waste time.

The little moments are one thing and I don’t always feel bad about wasting them.

But I will also have full weekends that I use atrociously without actually getting toward any of my goals.

Another issue I’ve been having more than usual these days is staying in the moment. I just space out constantly and it’s really stupid for me, it’s really annoying for my Supreme No-Nonsense Person Who Has To Be Around Me All The Time. I need to figure out some ways to snap back in or not leave in the first place. Because being present is certainly worth pursuing.

Postscript - I got to the end of writing and rewriting this, and at this point I am much happier with the immediate actions I’ve prescribed myself than my philosophy about what is worth pursuing. I tried to ground it in “what is unique to humans” but plotting to harm others, or less dramatically, driving a car, is unique to humans, too! Doesn’t make it worthwhile. Changing it to “good things unique to humans” is just defining myself out of the problem. There are also the important decisions about what not to pursue. I guess this topic will be a multi-parter because I don’t feel like rewriting, but am unsatisfied.